It’s 12:00AM on March 12, 2020. I’ve started and stopped and re-started this blog about 30 different times over the past year.
I intended to write a post at least once a month from the day I turned 29 to the day I turned 30, giving me peace of mind for the moment I was finally forced step away from Twenty-Something Kendall, both as a blog and as a person.
WELL…That day is here, and I’ve written nothing but the three sentences above, and now this one.
Needless to say, sitting down to write a blog that covers a decade of my life and brings this extremely important road to a screeching halt wasn’t exactly easy. How could I possibly sum up everything that’s happened over the past 10 years? Where can I find the time to write about all of the lessons I’ve learned, the people who’ve changed me and the moments that have defined who I am today? How do I shut down an outlet that’s this been so pivotal to me and to my connection with all of you? How do I walk away from this?
And even more than that: How the hell am I 30…ALREADY?!
Yes, Twenty-Something Kendall is officially THIRTY (there, I said it). And I’ve got to be honest Jennifer Garner, I’ve definitely NOT been feeling flirty and thriving. In fact, I’ve been a disaster for about two months leading up to this (my close friends and family can attest). There’s a bit of anxiety around the age thing and no longer being a cute, young twenty-something finding her way in the world and therefore not to be blamed for mistakes. There’s a bit of concern over the fact that—at this moment in time—I’m more focused on my career than getting married and starting a family (a pressure 30-somethings feel constantly…THANKS, SOCIETY). But my biggest fear in all of this is not having enough time to reach my full potential.
And THAT’s when I decided to pour up a glass of red wine (or three), start writing and call bullshit on myself.
Thirty doesn’t mean the window of opportunity is closed for me…or you, or her, or him, or anyone! Thirty doesn’t mean we’re too old to make mistakes (look at our parents, lol…no offense, dad!). And although our hangovers are worse and we get a little Botox every three months (don’t judge me), thirty doesn’t mean we’re no longer young and sexy and full of the energy of life.
And therefore, thirty absolutely does not mean we don’t have time to continue reaching and exceeding our full potential.
“As long as you wake up and suck in air, that air is energizing something you have left to do. Do not waste it.”
I’m not religious, but damn Bishop T.D. Jakes sums it up well.
If you are breathing, you have a reason for being here—you have another opportunity to keep reaching for your full potential, to keep striving for whatever greatness means to you, to keep fighting for what matters, to keep creating happiness and love and peace in your life.
And this doesn’t just go for those of us ‘90s babies struggling with the idea of entering a new decade. This goes for everyone and anyone—all of you who have struggled with shedding your old skin, taking a courageous new step, moving forward from old habits or heartbreaks, loss or closed chapters, mistakes or milestones or questions over what making a different decision or taking a different road would have meant for you today.
If you’re focused on the past, you’re wasting the gift of the present (that’s why it’s called the present, right?!). You block new energy and new opportunities when you focus all of your energy on things that already happened and are out of your control. In other words, when you’re constantly looking in the review mirror, you can’t see the road ahead, which results in a pretty shitty drive (not to mention dangerous, topped off by a kink in your neck—for those of us who’ve hit 30, lol). You can’t change or slow down the road that got you here today, but taking clichés out of this, while your past has most certainly helped mold the person you are right now in this moment, you are not defined by it. There are no blockades keeping you on this one road or at this one speed or in this one city forever. Take a little detour, go off-roading, put the petal to the metal or slam on the brakes. YOU are in the driver’s seat.
And it doesn’t matter if you’re 16 or 30 or 83 (driving that cherry red ’69 Chevy Camaro you always wanted), every new day you get to wake up and breath in air is a new opportunity for you to take whatever road you want to take, to be whoever the hell you want to be, to do whatever the hell you’ve always wanted to do—no matter how many times the road swerves and curves and breaks off into the middle of nowhere. Because that’s exactly what makes your path unique, that’s what keeps things exciting and scary and challenging and full of adventure, and that’s what makes you the incredible human you are…and the only YOU in the world.
So, when I think of waking up today and taking my first breath as a 30-year-old, I’m most definitely grateful for the road that got me here (in a white mustang with pink racing stripes and a red Mercedes named Dolores). But in all these months agonizing over March 12, 2020, I think I’ve finally convinced myself that the road ahead is as wide open as it was on March 12, 1990.
Just as tomorrow and the day after that and all the days to follow will allow, today I embark on a new adventure. Today, the road is open and unpaved and ready for me to take whatever route I want to take (you better believe I’ll still avoid the 405 at all costs, though). Today, I am thirty. But to pull from the “About Me” section I wrote for this blog all those years ago, “I’m Kendall, and while I’m still not entirely sure who that is, I’m certain there’s no one else like me.”
I learned a lot about myself in my twenties: I’m strong as hell, I’m relentless, I’m passionate, I’m a perfectionist and the epitome of a Pisces, I put everything I have into my relationships and my work, and I love and empathize and care about people (and my dog) on a level that compares to nothing and no one. But my thirties are going to be focused on the biggest thing I’ve learned about myself thus far: l never want to be able to say, “THIS is who I am.” Instead, I want to continue exploring new roads, paving new paths, evolving and growing and learning—every single day I have the opportunity to wake up and take another breath.
My potential is infinite. And I have SO. MUCH. TIME.
So I’m going to tweak the end of that “About Me” section to say, “I’m currently deep in this rocky journey called my twenties thirties, and since it’s bound to be some of the craziest, hardest and greatest days of my life, I want to share my experiences with other people…If only to help someone, somewhere going through the same thing and asking the same questions.”
Thirty-Something Kendall has a nice ring to it, so get in and buckle up—the ride is only just beginning, and you know it’s about to be one hell of an adventure.